Researchers have discovered that sham surgeries performed by improvisational comedians have little to no positive effect on medical problems. A group of scientists from Columbia University studied a local New York group named The River Shits, viewing a series of over 100 improvisational surgeries upon real-life medical patients from Columbia University Hospital. The River Shits called this series an ‘improvathon,’ spending over 10 hours conducting medical procedures with absolutely no medical tools or incisions. Reportedly, The River Shits botched over 90% of the procedures, and used invisible car mechanics’ tools in over 10% of the surgeries.
The research study, entitled “Laughter is Emphatically Not The Best Form of Medicine,” revealed that the total healing effects of these quasi-surgeries upon the illnesses, ranging from malignant tumors to spinal growths, was about .01%. The head researcher, Tom Johnson, admits, “At first, it appeared that one of the surgeries actually had a positive effect on one of the patients. He came out of the surgery looking much healthier, with greatly diminished symptoms. However, after running some stats, we now attribute the patient’s upswing in health to a statistically insignificant trend–in layman’s terms, it was a crock of shit.”
In its findings, the study also noted that many of the patients reported feelings of euphoria and relaxed drowsiness. The study’s conclusion urged future investigation into the potential use of improvisational comedy as a substitute for nitrous oxide.
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