Your little bundle of genetic material is clearly the best. For whatever reason, your DNA, combined with your egg donor’s DNA, formed a unique superchild with fearsome abilities. Your child, unlike every other child in the pool, somehow does not need to practice or even listen to the instructor. Your child, unlike every other child in the pool, has the benefit of supergenes that bestow him with the kind of infinite strength and ability that has elevated his back crawl to epic proportions. Truly, only idiots rely on the slow process of constructing muscle memory. Idiots like… every other child in the pool.
Your wrath at your child’s swimmy report card is of course justified. We swim instructors do not know what it’s like to deal with a prodigy; after all, we have only years of collective experience to rely upon. Perhaps even a decade’s worth of experience is not enough to truly grasp the level of talent that your child possesses.
If your child has not literally–literally–blazed a path of glory through that pool’s water, the swim instructor must take full responsibility for her failure. Some questions to ask: Has the swim instructor properly showed your child attention to the exclusion of other children? Has the swim instructor explained the principles of behaviorism to your child, forcing him to understand the dynamics of learning? Has your swim instructor stood over your child and corrected every single lapse into bad habit (even though your child does have bad habits)? Has your swim instructor repeatedly shouted your child’s name and, when the child pretends not to hear, jumped into the water and forcefully corrected that child’s front crawl? Has your swim instructor tried psychotherapy?
You cannot blame a parent or a child for a failure such as this, the failure to pass on the the next level. After all, discipline is an over-rated virtue, and passé besides. Why should your child have to deign to listen carefully to his instructor and apply what she has said? Why should you have to create a stable home environment? Most importantly, why should you have to take precious effort to deal with your child’s bad behavior? We as a society need not place these heavy saddlebags upon parents, the most important members of society, bar none. Truly, all parents deserve to have as much power as The President of the United States. Yes, The President of The United States.
You–special, wonderful parent, executive operator of all that should be, had no other options left. You simply had to verbally abuse a worker paid below the poverty line, to let her know just how poor a job she did with your flawless mishmash of DNA that you call a child. Congratulations on your forceful show of opinion!
*Mothers often have this same reaction, it’s not just Dads. In general, most swim instructors appear to be women.