Guys, it’s even worse than we imagined. It’s going to be a gritty show. No one could have guessed how a group of IT professionals and their bosses would feel about tonight’s improv comedy. We soon found out–they feel bitter about it, and they refuse to laugh. Tonight, not all of us will make it out alive. Some of us will have to sacrifice to the comedy gods. Our only option? Pulling straws.
Matt, you got the long straw. You will play these types of roles: hero who saves everyone from the zombies, hero who kills a group of people to save a sexy woman, hero with serious skateboarding skills. Goad them into laughter with your imaginary, sick skills. Benny, you got the short straw. You will play these types of roles: emotionally vulnerable single parent. Orphan. Artist. Literally no one in the audience will relate–brace yourself for dead silence. Penelope, you got the medium straw. tonight, you’re going to agree with everything that the hero says, and the crowd will grant you mild approval. Insult Benny’s sad characters as much as you possibly can; it’s the only way you will survive. Tonight, I will play the bottom feeder–the successful office worker who keeps on breaking his own computer.
God save us all.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Acting, Comedy, creativity, Critic, Generation, humor, improv, laugh, pop culture, Satire, writer
Let’s just start by re-naming the sock bun hairstyle. We will call it the donut bun for obvious reasons, and it will forever be known thusly.
Why should we hate this hairstyle? It hearkens back to days of heavy regality. It looks like something that should have fallen out of style a good 500 years ago, back when people decided that outfits should contain less than 20 pounds of tulle. With that massive donut perched up there, it looks like you acquired another 5 pounds of hair. What, did you need a nest for your tiny, $3,000 French Bulldog? Why else could you possibly need that many strands?
It’s one of those hairstyles that’s almost impossible to pull off–most people have saggy, tilty dishevelment on their crowns. The bun sticks with all of the tenacity of a melting pat of butter. It seems that only the hair elite can pull this one off. The well-behaved donut bun looks immaculate, with every little strand in its respective place.
This look required more choreography than a Broadway dance number.
Before 2013, it was literally impossible to find a hairstyle too fancy for your own wedding, but then the donut bun dropped on us. Nowadays, a bride who chooses to donut herself would only have to lean back on the toilet in order to rumple the entire thing. In order to keep her hair intact, she would have to dance at her own reception with an amount of force equivalent to a hummingbird approaching a nearby flower. No laughing allowed, especially the kind where you throw your head back.
The donut bun: because stodgy just made a comeback.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Criticism, culture, Feminism, Fun, Funny, hair, hairstyle, hipster, humor, Politics, pop culture, Women
I just finished touring Disneyworld, a series of parks that claim to constitute The Most Magical Place on Earth. I had to begrudgingly admit that some of that expression rings true. Each ride at this park has a story or theme behind it, accompanied by impressive visuals. Though the art within the park is carefully selected for unoffensive content, even this “safe” art had true merit. Besides boasting a variety of animatronics, murals, and video compilations, the company implemented much of the art on a mass scale–most rides span a great deal of space. None of this would have been possible without a great amount of public patronage. So many thousands of people have visited, allowing the park to swell to its current size. Artistic leadership combined with an abundance of money resulted in a seamless integration of capital and creativity in one place.
I had never before realized to what ends one could take art, with resources behind the undertaking.
First Issue Features
Join the Funemployment Revolution!
How to Have Sex without Your Parents Knowing: Surefire Ways to Soundproof your Sweet Action
Bike Your Way to A Better Life–Within 24 Hours!
Quiz: How Closely Does your Life Resemble the Movie “Groundhog Day”?
True Life: “I Punched a Man in the Face When he Said His Company Wasn’t Hiring”
Plus A Chance to Win $30.50 in Groceries!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Comedy, creativity, Feminism, Funny, Generation, humor, Politics, pop culture, Satire, twentysomething, Women, writer
Joseph Gordon-Levitt has clearly made a pact with the devil to excel at every art form. I’ve been watching Joseph Gordon-Levitt for years, and silently keeping count to myself as he proves talent after talent. We should celebrate his abilities, no matter how much of his soul he had to sell to obtain them all.
His nice face alone would have justified his fame (to me, at least). But he’s got 64 acting credits on IMDB, (some of them big name movies), and a 2010 youtube vid proved that he can strum and croon. Not pleased with his fame and talent, he went on to write and direct Don Jon, a witty movie that pleased critics. Recently, he dropped some sharp dance movies during a lip synch contest on Late Nite TV, making the other contestants look like ungainly children.
Let’s review. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is: Actor/Director/Writer/Wit/Singer/Musician/Dancer/Lip Syncer Extraordinaire. Proof of the supernatural just may lie within the talents Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
See it with your own eyes: JGL KILLING IT in a dance off on Jimmy Fallon Live: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4ajQ-foj2Q
JGL singing “Bad Romance” and playing acoustic guitar: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6zMwGkY7z4
The greatest art we can create is the art of living. And art should be useless; thus, artistic lives should be fully useless. Here are some wonderful tips for living a life devoid of meaning.
To be the most useless person, go out and enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. Nature doesn’t do favors for anyone; it’s just there. If you were living a useful life, you would have already razed and develop the land.
To maximize uselessness, major in anthropology, the study of people and cultures. Get to know about the great variety of life, and the various aspects of our beliefs and our evolution. If you wanted to be useful, you would have studied the psychology of purchasing.
To increase your factor of uselessness, take up a hobby. A more useful person would have committed to a 70 hour work week.
If you truly want to live uselessly, don’t have a plan, and live life as it comes. A more useful person would have it all figured out by now, and would have a wonderful retirement plan, a family, and a large SUV.
Just watched a video posted again and again by American bloggers. In the vid, women danced (terribly, in true European form) in the windows of a building in Amsterdam’s red light district. Male passerbys were positively drooling where they stood on the street. As the women finished their concern-inducing gyrating (I was legitimately worried), a screen at the top of the building lit up, saying that women foreign to Denmark are promised a career in dancing, which lures them into sex trafficking.
Amsterdam is such a random, specific corner of the world, but judging from the vid’s sheer popularity, one could infer that everyone should immediately race to learn more about human trafficking in this one city. It’s the only place in the world where it happens, right?
Nope. It happens fifteen minutes away from where I sit, in a suburb in the United States of America. In fact, during our culturally treasured major sporting events like the Superbowl, American cities explode with an influx of men willing to use girls and women held against their will.
This over-earnest concern about how poorly foreign countries operate/ how foreign men behave is sensationalist and disingenuous, and allows us to ignore the problems we have within our borders and among our citizens. It takes a very high level of willful ignorance to sustain our belief in our country’s innocence.